Without You I'm Sick
by seddieplease
Summary: Sam breaks down and is sent to the hospital for her suicidal actions. Can Sam heal? Does Freddie hate her, and will he ever speak to her? Seddie all the way.
1. I'm sitting in here by myself,

**Hey! It's Kim! I'm sorry that I'm putting such a long author's note, BUT PLEASE READ.**

**This is story I wrote by the inspiration of the new movie coming out called, "It's a funny story." Have you heard of it? Anyway, this is my first fanfic, so please don't be too harsh! If you guys like it, I'll keep writing! I'd love some reviews. This story is set in a Seattle Hospital, where Sam is being watched for suicidal behavior. The chapters will basically be her talking to her doctor, and living her every day life in the hospital. Please read/review! 3**

**I DON'T OWN ICARLY. (I WISHHHHH I DID, BUT SADLY, NO.)**

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_I'm not going to cry. I'll tell her about Freddie, about..what happened. Everything will be okay. _

"…I've been depressed for a while now. I've known that I have been for what feels like a long, long time. …I think it started the day I saw Freddie and Carly dancing together in the Groovy Smoothie. And it wasn't just that; it was all the little things I saw between them, too. How Freddie looked at her, how he held her up in such a high place. I wanted someone to look at me that way, too. So I waited and waited; but no one ever showed me the love Freddie had shown for Carly. I mean, sure, we kissed. But Freddie didn't love me. He loved Carly, he always will. So the name calling got worse, the arguments got more hurtful and the name calling became more serious between Freddie and I. I was really only trying to tell him how I felt; I was trying to make him understand, but it never came out right. And one day, we…w-w-ee got into this a-argument. We were a-at Carlys. I said some h-h-orrible things to him, and h-he said them back. So I r-ran out of her a-apartment and into the street. I waited until I s-saw a car coming through the r-rain, and….a-and I j-jumped out into the s-street… I d-didn't k-know he w-was watching! …B-but when the a-ambulance c-came, he didn't even say g-goodbye. T-that's the last time I saw h-him until I came b-back from the h-hospital t-two weeks later."

Tears were streaming down my face, hot & heavy. I wrung my hands together and looked up at my awaiting doctor.

"Thank you for telling me that, Samantha." Dr. Joyce, who sitting across from me and taking notes, thanked.

"I-It's Sam, please."

"Sam, do you want to tell me more about what happened?"

"…S-Sure."

Slowly but surely, I wiped my wet face. Dr. Jo, like always, handed me her scented tissue box to hold during our session. I continued to choke out my answers.

"After I came back, he wouldn't speak to me. And the worst part is? He'd become so handsome. God, I can't believe I'm even saying that. B-before…my admittance into the hospital, it was really hard to even come up with good insults to use on him. He's gotten so tall; so built. I literally grew up with the kid, but I n-never really l-looked at him_.. I…I…miss him so much._ A few days after I c-came b-back to school; t-they both ignored me and it m-made me feel a-awful. I d-didn't know what to do. So I ditched school one d-day."

"Was that the day you tried to...commit suicide for the second time, Samantha? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, I c-can handle t-this. And yes, ma'am, that was the day I-I o-overdosed. I think about it a-a lot. H-how I wanted to d-die so badly."

"Do you want to die now?"

I thought about this question for a few minutes. I sat in the fake leather chair and blew my nose once, maybe twice. I looked up again, and decided to answer her.

"…Only sometimes. Days when I remember memories of all three of us. W-when I think a-about him helping me with the M-missy problem and wh-"

"Missy problem?" Dr. Joyce asked me.

"I-I'd rather n-not talk about t-that."

"Oh, I'm sorry honey, it's okay. Today's session is over now, you can head back to your room now."

"Thanks Dr. Joyce, I'll s-see you tomorrow."

And with this, I headed back to my room. Down the white hallway I went, watching crying families in the ER and watching frantic fathers in the nursery. It was funny how life was going on while I was being locked up in a hospital wing. When I finally got back to my room, Z-102, I crawled into bed and ate the ham sandwich the cafeteria had placed on my side table. Slowly but surely, my medicine kicked in, and like every other day, I fell asleep dreaming of Fredward Benson.

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**Please don't be too harsh; it's my first fanfic! God; I'D LOVE A REVIEW!**

**P.S. ; Sam might be having a visitor soon. Who will it be?**


	2. I need a little peace

**I just couldn't stop writing, so, here's a second update for the day!**

**-if I owned Icarly, Sam and Freddie would be married already. For reals.**

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The next morning I woke up to a soft knock on the door. Why do nurses knock? They know this hallways doors don't lock.

"Sam?"

It wasn't my nurse; it was Dr. Joyce. I forgot I had a morning session today. I rolled out of bed to open the door for her. (Dr. Joyce has always respected patient privacy, she won't come in unless you open the door.)

"Good morning, Sam. Ready for today's session?"

"Good morning, and yes."

Taking a seat next to bed, Dr. Jo pulled out her notepad. Usually she doesn't take it out so soon in a session, but today was different, I guess.

"Let's talk about Freddie today."

As if we ever talk about anything else in this stupid room. I mean, seriously, I've about had enough of talking about him. But, they'll never set me free unless I do, so I always talk.

"…Alright. What do you want to know about him?"

"You told me you both kissed. I thought you told me he was in love with Ms. Shay?"

"He was…is. We shared our first kiss together on his balcony, just to get it over with….I guess it meant more to me then it did to him." God, am I already starting to cry?

"I see. So they dated, as well?"

"Because Freddie saved Carlys life. She thought she loved him afterwards, but she really only loved what he did for her. So he broke up with her."

"He broke up with her?"

"Yes."

"Sam, when did you know you where in love with Freddie?"

"…I guess when I saw them dancing. It was bitter-sweet, ya know? Finding out you love someone but watching them love someone else." At this, I was crying. More warm tears. I'm not a crier. No Puckett is ever a crier, but lately, that's all I can do.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. Do you want to end today's lesson a little early?"

I wanted to reply, but I had already rolled over in my bed, facing the opposite direction. I didn't want her to see my cry the way I was. I was hiccupping, choking on my words. Because I didn't reply, Dr. Jo got up a patted my head.

"See you tomorrow Sam; take some time for yourself today. They're serving ham in the cafeteria today. Tell the lunch ladies Dr. Jo says it's okay for you to get extras today."

Soon after she had left, I cried to myself until I passed out; exhausted. I woke up around one, and went to eat in the cafeteria. Today was Friday, so I got to wear whatever I wanted today. I opened up my drawers and threw on the biggest, comfiest sweater I could find. It was cold outside, and I wanted to spend today in the garden, when no body else would be around. Leaving my room, I darted towards the cafeteria. The lunch lady already had a bag pre-made with my name on it. I snatched it up and left the cold-colored eating area.

I quickly skipped down the main hall, past the ER, and through the nursery. Finally, once towards the "Z" wing, I found the special door. Due to our "state of minds", the hospital had a special place built for all the patients who stayed in the "Z" wing. People like me. I loved this place, it was like a little home away from home. It had four white-picket walls and bunches of ever-greens. Because it was near Christmas time, they had it lit up with pretty lights. I loved eating here, watching birds make nests and sitting in the quiet. Finally, after a minute or so of walking, I found my special swing. It was a large cushioned bench suspended from a large, very old oak tree. Sitting here is part of my daily routine. Opening my sack lunch, I ate in silence. It was much colder then it had been yesterday, and my cheeks were becoming a little pink. Suddenly, I heard crunches in the snow coming towards me. **The nurse to my shock, was Ms. Benson.**

I KNOW, AWFULLY-WRITTEN CLIFF HANGER. MY BAD. ;_;

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**REVIEW? 3 I'DLOVEYOUFOREVERRRRR.**


	3. A ray of sunshine much needed

**Hey everybody! I decided to go ahead and chunk out a chapter for you guys! Hope you guys like it!**

**Read + Review = love forever!**

**I don't own Icarly, D: **

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My eyes were soggy, God, is this really making me cry? It's only his mom.

"M-ms. Benson…"

"Hello Samantha."

I turned away from her, I didn't want her to see me the way I was. I didn't want anyone to see me, especially not his mom. Sure enough, she stood there until I turned back around.

"What do you want?"

"There is a visitor in your room. And come inside; it's too cold to be out here. That is all."

And just like that, she disappeared just as quickly as she had come. The only problem is, I can't move. I can't feel my body. I think I might throw up. All the sudden, I could feel my eyes snap open, and my legs where running. _"No, no. It's not him, don't get your hopes up Sam."_ That's all my brain could tell me; but I ran anyway. God, I don't think I've ever run this quickly. Once I make it too my room, I slam the door open.

It's not Freddie. It's Spencer.

"Hey, Sam," Spencer said, and he got up from his seat next to my bed, where Dr. Jo had sat this morning.

I just couldn't move. I'll just keep my feet planted right here, in the door. Maybe he'll leave. I droop my head down, and hide my face with my hands and falling curls.

"Sam, please, talk to me. …I miss you, kid! You are like a second little sister to me, and I know they're mad at you, but I'm not, okay? Look- I brought you bacon. I figured they might not have any, so I brought you some- Sam! _Please. _Talk to me," He stood pleading, I could hear the sympathy in his voice.

Slowly, I moved closer. I looked up at him when I stood a good few inches away from him. He looked at me, and his eyes started watering. All of the sudden, I felt warmth all around me. Spencer was hugging me.

"I m-missed y-you t-too, S-Spence,"

For a long while, we just stood in that position, hugging and crying. When he finally let me go, he walked me over to my bed, and I climbed up it. He sat down, and passed me the bacon sandwich he had brought me. He then stuck his hand back into the bag and brought out two fat cakes, one for him- one for me.

"I figured hospitals don't serve artery clogging foods like these, which, I know are your favorite."

Eating with Spencer was much better then sitting in a frozen garden, so I sat and ate quietly with him. He told me all about his sculptures and how he had finally gotten a girlfriend.

"What's her name, Spence?"

"Olivia. God, she's amazing Sam. She's sorta like you- except my age. You guys would get along so well!"

Spencer was shining in pride of her. I don't know what it is, but it makes me start crying. I sit here for a minute, crying. Spencer immediately changed his facial expression.

"Sam- I didn't mean to-"

"I know Spence! I-it's not y-your f-fault. I'm really h-happy for you. I want to meet h-her one d-day, okay?"

This made him smile again, and he agreed. We talk about all the boxing episodes I missed, and he promises me next time he'll cook some spaghetti tacos for me. I happily agree to this idea.

After a few hours of sitting and little bit talking, Spencer was ordered to leave the Psychiatric Wing. I sat on my bed, and watched him be escorted out of my room. Quietly, I whispered something to myself.

_"Bye Spence…"_

Spencer jerked around and shouted,

"Bye kiddo! I'll see you soon, okay?"

What he said to me was the first thing -in long time- that made me smile.

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**Awww, Spencer visits Sam. Love it? Hate it? Tell me!**

**Reviews make me smile! (A LOT.)**

**-Kim.**


	4. Thinking about it,

**I never really liked writing these things. But um, THANKS FOR READING! I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. :]**

**I do not own iCarly. If I did, Sam and Freddie would have already gone on their first date and such. (Duh.)**

-kim.

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Friday passed by quickly after Spence left. I ate dinner alone in my room and decided to watch that Hilary Duff movie; you know- that Cinderella Story one? That movie's the chiz. I slept pretty great last night. But now today's Saturday, and I have another session with Dr. Jo.

"Hey Sam, how's your day going?" Dr. Jo asks me as she walks into her office.

"It's alright, I guess. Normal. Boring."

"And how was the rest of your day Friday?"

Once again, warmth spread across my body thinking about Spencer's visit. I smile, which makes Dr. Jo smile too.

"Spencer came to visit me yesterday. He brought me a bacon sandwich and he ate lunch with me in my room. He told me all about the boxing I've missed and how he's got himself a girlfriend. It was a really good day…the first one in awhile," I breathed out, smiling.

"That's great, Sam. I'm glad you had a good rest of the day. Did you both talk about…Freddie at all?"

"No. We didn't," This question wrenches my heart. I feel like I just got punched in the throat.

"Oh, alright. So, Sam… what's on your mind today?"

Another typical question to change the subject. I sit quietly on my seat, and twiddle my thumbs. _"A lot's on my mind, I guess. If there wasn't, I wouldn't be here,"_ I thought to myself. My mind, like always, thinks about Freddie.

"I've been thinking about Freddie a lot. Carly, too. I… miss my best friends. Sometimes, when I see couples walking through the nursery wing with their new baby, I think about them,"

"Why do couples with babies remind you of them, Sam?"

"I don't know. Really… I don't. Maybe it's because they're so _happy _together. The new couples always have that shine around them, you know? Like they're so _oblivious_ of everything else… It makes me think about how Freddie loved Carly; how he wanted to get married to her since the day he saw her," I choked out, "I-I was a-always jealous of the w-way he l-looked at her. He o-only ever had eyes f-for Carly; and it makes me s-so MAD b-because she w-would n-never even look b-back. I-I t-tried everything just to g-get him to n-notice me_. E-everything._ And I k-know I should h-have been s-sweeter, I get it now that I s-should have just b-been honest and s-stopped the bullying; but t-there's nothing I can do now_. He w-won't even look at me. I d-disgust h-him_."

For a few minutes, I watch Dr. Joyce just wrote notes. She looks up sometimes to make sure I'm still here and to see how I'm doing. She, despite her job, hates to see people cry. Especially me, I think.

"The day you…stepped into oncoming traffic. Tell me everything you remember about that day."

"That was they day we f-fought."

"How did the argument begin?"

"I was sitting on Carlys couch, drinking iced tea. Freddie came in, and I s-said, 'Hey nub, go get Carly. Momma doesn't feel like getting up'."

"And then what happened, Sam?"

"I-I don't remember much a-about the fight. But, I know he called me lazy, or s-some chiz like t-that. I called h-him some n-names, but this time, h-he called me them b-back. I didn't know w-what to do, so I called him a I-idiot, and told him that C-Carly will n-never love h-him, so he should j-just give up. H-he…he…"

"He what, Sam?"

"He said, 'Y-you know what, S-sam? I've only e-ever tried to h-help you. I-it's not my fault t-that nobody likes y-you. M-maybe if you weren't such a b-itch to everybody, you w-wouldn't have had to u-use me for your f-first kiss'," I said, weeping, "…I-I have never told a-anyone that... I-I know that I d-deserved it, b-but I ran out of her apartment anyway. That's w-when….that's when I stopped thinking. I-I just stepped in f-front of the c-car. I f-felt like it didn't matter if I…died,"

"Sam, no one deserves to be spoken to that way. And everyone makes mistakes, honey. That's enough for today, you can go rest now. I'll send up your nurse with your medications, okay?"

"…mm."

I wipe my eyes and head for the door. Slowly but surely, I make it back to my room. I shuffle into my bathroom and look in my mirror. I look like shit. Swollen eyes, red nose. Shaking cheeks and hands. My hair has never been this frizzy. I turn away from the mirror, and go to my shower. I feel like sitting in the hot water for a few hours.

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(Freddie's POV.) (Friday evening, 7pm.)

Today was _rough_. I mean, one of the hardest days of my life. Carly and I had to tell the world that iCarly is on hiatus until further notice. God, I hate thinking about iCarly. It…it just **sucks. **I don't want to think about it. About…never mind. I'm just glad I'm about to eat dinner at Carlys. Spence is making spaghetti tacos. I grab my coat, and jog across the hall. Carly is sitting on her couch, like usual, in sweats. Her whole body is covered by her huge PearPad.

"Hey Carls,"

"Hey Freddie."

"Are you reading more comments on the site again? Carls, you gotta stop reading those. …She's not coming back, okay? She's just not."

For a minute, Carly just sat there. Blank staring at something. She was in her own little dimension. She put her PearPad aside, and got up from the couch. I hate seeing her like this. After…after **she** left, Carly has been totally empty. It's a struggle to get her to eat meat sometimes. I've seen this face on her too many times. Slowly, I walk over from the door to in front of Carly. She's crying now,_ hard_.

"Gah, Carly….you can't keep doing this," I say as I pull her into a hug. Her face is buried into my shoulder, I can feel the warm tears soak through my shirt.

"It's…all m-my fault, F-Freddie, I-I should h-have been…down stairs when y-you were a-arguing. I-I could h-have stopped her…"

I pull her arms width away from me, keep my hands attached to her arms,

"It's not your fault, okay? We've been…over this."

Slowly, she nods. I pull her back into a hug, and she continues to cry. After a minute, she leaves me in the living room while she goes to set the table. Spencer comes out of his room, too.

"Hey Freddo!"

"Hey Spence," as I say this, Spencer looks over at Carly.

"She worried about Sam again?"

Hearing her name is a hard thing to deal with. It's like being smacked in the face, or kicked in the groin, or pushed down stairs or…well, you get the gist.

"Yeah. She keeps saying it was her fault, but it's not. I couldn't be her fault. It was mine."

"Freddie…"

"No, man, it's okay. Let's just eat,"

Eating together is pretty awkward. We sit and munch, really not having any conversation. Spencer is in a brighter mood, and it kind of pisses me off. I really don't know why.

"How was your day, Spencer?"

"Good. …Actually, I, um, visited Sam in the physic iatric wing today…"

"_What_," My jaw, as well as Carlys, hangs open. I think I can feel my ears dragging my head down. They must be lying to me, these ears attached to my face.

"I…I went to see her today, guys."

Slowly, I get up from my seat. They both stare at me. I trip on my chair, but I only stumble, not fall. And then I run. Run straight for the roof. I punch the elevator button in the hall. Why didn't I just use Carlys? Oh well. Too late. As I get up to the roof, I sit on the gravel covered floor and lay down. It's freezing up here, but what do I care? All I can feel is my head, thumping and swirling. And my hand, which I think is bleeding from punching the elevator button. But I don't even think about that.

_He saw Sam. _

_How does she look?_

_Is she getting better?_

_Does…_

_Sam hate me?_

_How could she not hate me? __**I hate me.**_

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**So! first time hearing from Freddie.**

**Love it? Hate it? Ideas for me? Opinions or suggestions?**

**I love em!**

**THANKS FOR READING!**

**:D,**

**-kim.**


	5. Dying is easy, living is what's hard,

**Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnn! Sorry that I left you with such a awful ending! I was hoping for this chapter to be better ;_;**

**Anywho, It's weird to start writing in POVs. Try to go easy on me!**

** I won't always do both for a chapter; sometimes it will be one or the other- sometimes both!**

**I do not own iCarly.**

**;_;**

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_(Sam's POV)_

For the next couple days, the hospital kept a close watch on me. I understand why, though. Saturday had been a mess. They monitor everything we do, and they freaked out when they saw I had taken a four hour shower. (They really don't mind now, but they thought I had tried to kill myself and had succeeded. Nurses stormed my room, only to find a prune-y teenage girl wrapped up in a robe, thank God.) I really only wanted to take a nice long shower. So anyway, today's Monday, and everything has faded back to…normal. Or, I guess, _my _normal.

"Dr. Joyce, is it weird to think about the person you…you love as much as I think about Freddie?"

I'm sitting on my usual seat, sprawled out and staring at the ceiling. It's weird, the pattern on the ceiling. It looks like little grass fields mixed with flowers.

"…Everyone's different, Sam. I think everyone has someone, or something, they think about a lot. Maybe more then they should."

"What do you think about, ?"

"I think about my daughters. I have two. I get worried really easily over every little scratch or cut, but, I guess it's a mom thing."

"See, I can understand why you would be worried about your kids. They're a part of you. What I don't understand is why I'm so…_hung up _on…on Freddie."

"Sam, was he your first love. It's perfectly understandable."

"…I guess," I slump a little in my seat.

It's weird to have someone tell you that you love**d **someone. Especially if you _still_ love them. He IS my first love. Not he "was". I guess that's why I'm still here.

No, wait. I'm still here because I tried to kill myself. …_Twice._

"Dr. Joyce, can I ask you something?"

"That's what I'm here for."

"If you were him, you know, Freddie, would you hate me?"

"I don't think I can answer that, Sam,"

"…That's what I thought. Thanks for the session today, Dr. Jo. See you tomorrow,"

Quickly, I leave the familiar office. Walking in my same little rut; past the ER and through the Nursery, I head back to the "Z" wing. I don't feel like doing much today. Just sort of, sitting. Maybe I'll take a nap or….no. Today's Monday. That's one of the busiest days in the ER. (I'm not sure why, but I always hear the paramedic guys complain about how busy today is for them.) Today is the day I like to people watch.

I know, sounds weird right? Getting kicks out of watching people go through life-threatening experiences. But that's not why I do it. Here…it's like if you've ever been to an airport. You see soldiers reunite with their families; you see parents send their kids off for trips. You see awaiting families with signs with names and flowers. It's like that. It's watching people live their stories. It's interesting, watching people. I guess in a way, it's _a little _creepy. But I mean, hey, what else do I have to do?

"_PLEASE, PLEASE, SAVE MY BABY! MY BABY, SHE'S HURT," _One woman screams at a doctor, even though he's right there. She's making quite a scene, waving her arms around and such. Her poor husband doesn't know what to do with her.

"Ma'am. MA'AM PLEASE. Your daughter is going to be _fine_. We need you to fill out your paper work and **please, have a seat,**" The poor man is begging, lady. Sit your butt down. Slowly but surely, her shoulders droop and her head falls down. Her husband leads her back to the seating area. They sit two rows in front of me.

I've also seen a pregnant lady **scream** for drugs, and a construction guy with a chopped arm. (Oh, it was as gross as it sounds.) Today is fairly exciting. After awhile, the secretary notices me sitting there.

"Sam Puckett?"

Shit. She got me.

"Yes?"

"Please head back to your room, your medications are being delivered,"

"Oh, okay. Thank you."

God, these seats made my butt fall asleep. I walk down the empty halls (all except for the construction guy, who is being whisked away for surgery at light speed) and smile at the way I'm walking. I look like a duck, waddling around with my numb butt. I sing, like usual, when I'm alone in the halls.

"_She was a hurricane…but now she's just a gust of wind- she used to set the sails of a thousand ships, was a force to be reckoned with…_"

I reach my room, and a random nurse is waiting there for me.

"Here are your medications for the day, Miss."

"Thank you."

Like normal, I take them and watch her leave. I wonder for a moment on if I should go back to the ER. No, I decide, I've seen enough for today. But I also don't want to sit in this dumb box for a room, either. Dr. Joyce says I'm a weird one. Most patients who stay in this hall never leave their rooms. Grabbing a hoodie, I strut out into the hall. Man, I'm _hungry._

I turn to head for the cafeteria, and that's when I see her- heading down the hall, straight towards me.

_Oh my God._

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_**Oh lordy, _who could it be_?**

**I'd like to hear your guesses!**

**Reviews are loved, and very much appreciated. **

**(oh, sorry, no Freddy POV this chapter. But you will be hearing from him sometime, okay?)**

**-kim.**


	6. After a hurricane comes a rainbow

**I don't own Icarly! At allllll D:**

**Hey guys, sorry it took so long for the update. This chapter was really hard to write,**

**and plus my fall break ended. HEADS UP: it' s short.**

**(I'm so sorry. ;_; )**

**-Kim**

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She marched straight towards me, angry and fierce. She wanted to hurt me, and then of course, properly treat me. She is a nurse, after all.

"_Stay away from my son_. Leave him alone, you hear? My baby isn't eating and he won't sleep. You stay away from him. _This is all your fault_."

Tears. Streaming, pouring, rushing and racing from my eyeballs. How could she blame me?

"_I…I haven't t-talked to…h-him. H-he won't e-even look…at me, none the l-less speak to…me,"_

I stand here in a broken position, clutching my hoodie wear my heart lies underneath. God, help me. This hurts so much, it's unbearable. Her fists are clenched, or at least, they seem to be. I can't see.

"You did this. _This is your fault._"

I'm coughing, wheezing harder then I ever have. I can't breath from the amount of pain, I can't tell where I am. I'm just standing here; my head feels heavy and my body feels light. I can only hear myself and… footsteps?

"MRS. BENSON, GET AWAY FROM SAM."

"…_S-Sp..encer?" _

"Yeah, it's me, Sam- hold on. MRS. BENSON, YOU CAN'T TALK TO SAM LIKE THAT. WHAT THE CHIZ IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"SHE DAMAGED _MY BOY_, SPENCER. THIS IS **HER** FAULT. MY BABIES ILL BECAUSE OF HER."

"I can't **BELIEVE** this. Mrs. Benson, I could _report you _for mistreatment of a patient, you realize this, right?"

"FREDDIE," Oh God. Not his name, please, it's like a knife in my gut, "IS ACTING OUT BECAUSE OF HER."

"**You're a no good dirty **_**liar**__. _You can't BLAME Sam for what Freddie does. She can't do _anything _about it, so how about you _LEAVE_,"

"I WORK HERE. **YOU LEAVE**."

"_Fine_. Come on Sam, we're checking you out for the day."

"You can't take her! **NO**," Mrs. Benson said, trying to grab me, "She's not leaving."

"You bet your over-protective, judgmental, snooty **ASS** she's leaving. LET GO OF HER."

Spencer grabs me, and swoops me up bridal style. He walks through the nursery, past the ER, and straight through the front doors. I want to ask where we're going, but then I realize; I don't care. As long as it's not here.

As of the next couple of hours, I don't remember much. Spencer took me to their apartment and set me on the couch. I woke up with about six blankets, and four pillows. Spencer was sitting next to me, eager, when I woke up.

"You okay? You comfortable? Sam, I wish I had shone up sooner. I thought something was going to happen, but I-"

"Spence. It's okay…it's not your fault,"

"Come on- let's get you something to eat, I gotta get you back to the hospital before…"

"They get home from school. I know Spence, I know."

"Sam, I just don't think you could handle seeing them, you've already had to deal with so much today and I can't stand to see you cry, okay? You're like my baby sister. I'm in protective big brother mode, you get that, right?"

"Yeah, Spence, of course. Thanks for taking me out, it feels good to breath in the city air and look at things with color again."

"You're welcome. Not a problem, but um…next time, I'll _actually check you out for the day." _

"Ahah, the hospital would probably appreciate that."

"Yeah, probably."

**Another day, another smile. After a hurricane, comes a rainbow.**

**

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**

**I KNOW,**

**SHORT SHORT SHORT**.

But Fall Break ended, & I've been cramped really bad for time. I hope you enjoyed though,

more this week!

I love you guys!

-Kim.


	7. Waking up, I can see

**Hola everyone! Guess who didn't have anything to do today? ME. **

**And guess what that means? ANOTHER LONG, FREDDIE POV CHAPTER FOR YOU!**

**Yay!~ *claps*!**

**well, I'll let you get reading. I love and appreciate ALL of those reviews! WOW! 22!**

**:D Iloveyouguys.**

**-Kim.**

**oh. crap. I don't own Icarly.**

**

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**

(Freddie's POV, Monday, about lunch time.) **[A/N: Sam is just coming to the Shay apartment when this segment starts.]**

"_My mom seemed off going into work today. I guess it's whatever, I don't really care. I'm at school now, that's all that matters. I can just zone out, focus on my work. School is something I can always depend on. Slowly but surely, I'm walking through the hallways of Ridgeway. Past Sam's old locker, and on to mine. It's hard, to say the least, to be reminded of her everyday. I mean, she was my best friend. She __is__ my best friend. Besides Carly of course, but she doesn't try to kill herself._ _GOD, I'm awful. __**Why am I even this way,**__" _I think to myself, _"It's my fault Sam is the way she is. I mean, I'm the one who called her out when I shouldn't have. Sam was just kidding, but…GAH. Sam is always 'just kidding'. I just got fed up, okay? I didn't want to let her bully me anymore…"_

"Freddie. …FREDDIE," Carly screams at me.

"What?"

"I've yelled your name like, eight times, dude. Where are you today?"

"Oh. Sorry, um. Just thinking about schoolwork…" I'm **such** a liar. She knows all I ever think about is Sam.

"You finish that project for Mrs. Briggs?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Mhmm."

Carly and I walk over to the bench in the hall and sit down. It's awfully rainy today, I notice, as I look at the window.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah, Carls?"

"I _really_ miss her. I keep buying meat. I can't stop."

"Me too."

She holds her head over my shoulder, and drops it down softly. I put my arm around her back, but not in a romantic way. I do it as a way to say, 'I'm always here'.

"You know what sucks the most?" She asks me, I can feel her breathing becoming more shallow.

"What?"

"That life goes on. It can't just stop and wait for you to feel better for a couple of minutes. It just keeps on going on it's merry damn way, no matter what you feel like or how terrible things get,"

I look down onto her head, and she looks up at me. She's really serious, I can tell by the look on her face.

"Carly. We have to stop doing this. **We **need to be happy for a change. We need to grab on to anything that can keep us from sinking, too. If you turned out like Sam, I don't know what I would do. I'd…probably kill myself too."

And that's when it happened. I just looked her straight in the eyes, and next thing I know, we're kissing. Straight up on the mouth, in front of everyone (which was nobody, actually) in the hallway. Why was I thinking about being late for class when I'm kissing Carly Shay? I should be feeling fireworks, jumping off my seat and dancing. I should be smiling like a big dumb idiot, like I did when…

Like when me and Sam kissed.

Quickly, I pull my lips from Carlys. I give her a hug, and release her. Her face looked the same as mine. Weirded out and confused. We both laughed.

"Carly, I'm in love with Sam."

"I know. I can tell."

"...You're not mad, right? You still love me? But only as a friend?"

"I am not mad at all, stupid! Of course I still love you, _you're all I've got_. You'll always be my big brother. And nobody wants to kiss their brother!"

"Good. And um, Carly?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to go. Like, I'm skipping school today. Will you cover for me?"

She looked at my face for a while, trying to figure out what I had just said to her. I observed her for a moment, taking in the girl whom I loved. She really was like my sister. Someone you just bond with, but can't be attracted to. I don't remember how I used to feel about her. I don't remember that feeling of being in love. All I can think about is Sam. Sam and only Sam.

"What? Why?"

"I just really have to go, please, Carls."

That's when she figured it out. She knew where I was going, and why I was in such a hurry. I didn't need to tell her anymore.

"Of course, just go!" She smiled, a hint of content and sadness in her eyes. She was sad that I had to go, but happy that I was going to chase what I loved.

"Thanks!"

I spring out of my seat, and out into the main lobby. Shit, it's raining, I forgot. Oh well. I bust through the double doors, and into the rain. I can feel my legs aching from the running, but what do I care? I need to get home, change, and then go see her. My house isn't far from the school, but in the rain, it feels like forever. I run past the Groovy Smoothie, and stop in my tracks for a few minutes to breath. My clothes are clinging to every piece of me. I notice an old woman staring and smiling. It's something about old people, they always seem to know what you're doing. I take off again. I can't stop now.

Finally. I can see the big glowing letters. I'm home. I'm home. I'm HOME. I jog across the street. Up the stairs, and in the elevator. Lewbert yells at me,

"YOU'RE WET. YOU'RE WET IN MY LOBBBY! GET OUTTTTTTT."

I slam my key into the door, "Gotta go, Gotta go." I swing the door open, and it bounces back and slams back into place. Gross. I'm soaked. I'm in my room now, stripping off the soaking garments. Wait. Didn't I have any umbrella in my locker? Too late now. I throw on a deep blue plaid shirt. I roll my sleeves up and pull on some ripped jeans my mom doesn't know I have. Tossing my clothes into the dryer, I grab an umbrella from the closet and rush out of the house. Locking my door, I race back downstairs. Elevator is too slow, I'll just take the stairs.

When I get to the lobby, I look out the doors and open my umbrella. I see a dark car in the front of the building, parked outside. It looks like Spencer's. Wait, it is Spencer's. What? What is he doing? Then I see her. Sitting, in the backseat, smiling and laughing. I bust out of the doors, but they're already gone. They're gone, and I didn't make it to her in time. But I can't give up. Pulling my umbrella over my head, I race for the Seattle General Hospital.

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**:OOOOOOOO**

**I know, right? Sorry if the characters seem a little OOC.**

**Freddie is chasing after Sam.**

**OH snap. Shit's about to go down!**

**YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**-Kim.**

**P.S.;**

**I wish you guys could see my face when I read your reviews,**

**like seriously, I have the BIGGEST, CHEESIEST smile.**

**I love you so much for reading!**


	8. I've been blessed with life,

**OH SNAP. ANOTHER CHAPTER?**

**Why yes, your eyes are telling you the truth.**

**WOW. 28 REVIEWS. THAT'S AMAZING, REALLY!**

**I'm seriously so thankful to you guys!**

**Love & Thanks for Reading, **

**-Kim.**

**^^also, I suggest listening to this song while reading this chapter:^^**

**Rick Astley; Never Gonna Give You Up.**

**(Hey, it's cheesy, but I freaking LOVE this song.)**

**CRAP. I DON'T OWN ICARLY.**

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(Sam's POV, Monday. In car with Spencer.)

Sitting in the car when it's raining; what is it about the water rolling down the glass that is so calming? I want to go in the rain. Feel the water racing down my skin. Spencer plays dumb songs and I laugh. Spencer can not sing, not at all. Suddenly, I hear thunder. Why does it not scare me? I used to hate storms. Now all I want at this moment is to be out playing in one. Now's my chance, we're pulling into the hospital. Spencer parks the car, and I bust out. I start to dance, I can see Spence laugh from inside the car door. Then I hear him crank the music, Rick Astley busts from the speakers,

"**NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWNNN! NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU! NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY, NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE! NEVER GONNA TELL AND LIE- AND HURT YOU!" **

Shaking my hips and throwing my wet hair around, I jam out to the music. Man, this feels awesome. I close my eyes and the words bust through my mouth;

"**WE'VE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR SO LONGGG; YOUR HEARTS BEEN ACHING BUT YOU'RE TOO SHY TO SAY IT -INSIDE WE BOTH KNOW WHAT'S BE GOINNN ONNN; WE KNOW THE GAME AND WE'RE GONNA PLAY IT!"**

"Sam."

I stop dead in my tracks. "_No, no. It's your head Sam. It's playing tricks on you. You're happy, it wants to bring you down. Ignore it. Keep dancing_,"

"SAM."

Finally, I stop. It can't hurt to turn around. Just do it, I tell my feet. They obey, turning slowly on my heels. _Oh God_. _Oh God, oh my God_.

_Why is Freddie here?_

"..F…_Freddie_…"

"Yeah, that's me. You haven't forgotten me already, have you?"

He's smiling the biggest, dumbest, most honest smile I've ever seen. He's huffing and puffy in the cold rain. It sends my stomach jumping from the Eiffel Tower. Now I'm crying. Maybe he can't tell. No, now I'm weeping, of course he can tell. Plus, I'm freezing. And I'm freaking soaked.

_Warmth. Blazing hot, covering warmth. _

Freddie has his arms around me.

He's hugging me.

I move my arms around him, and I notice he's soaked, too. He dropped his umbrella on the street… God. He's _buff _now. Then he loosens his grip on me, pulling me an arms length apart from himself. Now I'm bawling because I'm happy. I'm so _happy_. Why? Because he's here. Hugging me, smiling at me, forgiving me. I look up into his shining eyes. He's glowing, really. It looks like he just won a million dollars.

_Wait. I'm the million dollars._

"Fredd-"

But before I can say anything, we're locked in another hug. He whips me up into his arms, bridal style. Then he spins. Over and over, and he sings,

"**NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP! I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU HOW I'M FEELINGGGG- GOTTA MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND; NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWNNN! NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU! NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY, NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYEEE! NEVER GONNA TELL AND LIE- AND HURT YOU!"**

I'm laughing now, because as he sets me down, I notice a lot of people have stopped to watch us. I mean,** A LOT** of people. They all stare, and one random lady yells,

"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE. _Kiss her_!"

And that's exactly what we do. Kiss. In the pouring storm, in front of a hospital in the middle of the street. It's amazing, that feeling. Like nothing I can describe or explain.

And so we kissed, every feeling and thought wrapped up into one little peck. The crowd cheers, and Spencer joins our hug.

I understand now, what I didn't before.

You have to have the courage to live; anyone can die.

Life is gift that should be appreciated everyday.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah, Sam?"

"It feels good to say your name again."

Then, Spencer talks again; I forgot he was in the hug, too.

"You realize you're going to have to get to permission to date my Sam, right, young man?"

"Oh, of course. Spencer, may I please take Sam's hand in holy…girlfriendship?"

"Why of course, young man. Could choice, Sam. I like him."

"Thanks, Spence. I like him, too."

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**do not fret my loves;**

**THERE IS MORE TO COME. An ****epilogue,**

**and THEN my baby will be finished.**

**Yes, this story is my baby.**

**3**

**WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK?**

**LOVE/HATE/ITWASSOAWESOME/ITSUCKS?**

**Tell me. I love it all. **

**-Kim.**

**ps.**

**I love you. :]**


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